Ophiucus

Yes, I’ve been trapped by myself, by what I’ve done in the past.

It seems to me that my behaviour has gotten me into trouble. Most of my friends don’t trust me anymore and I don’t blame them since it was me that have made a mistake. I feel bad.

Yes, I must admit my mistake. But this trap, this trap is no usual trap. It is tempting, intoxicating, and yet destructive. I hope I can find a way to get out of this trap. I have to find that way, or else, I’ll lose my nakama…

Regaining trust is another thing to do, but it is no easy task. I don’t know whether I can gain back their trusts or not, but I’ll do my best.

Lately, my posts have been filled with my gloomy stories. Maybe you who read this blog will feel that I’m such a pitiful person. Maybe I need to be pitied…

I, who have witnessed the pain of being betrayed, had once attempted a friend to betray others. I am despicable indeed. I hope I can be a better person soon.

I always have negative thoughts on people. I sometimes wonder if I have a mental disorder. I envy those who can love, care, and interact with people sincerely since I always do something with motives.

I know that my social skill is low, very low. Still, knowing this, I don’t know where to start fixing myself. My friends are tired of giving advices. Human nature is not something that can be easily changed, but it is not impossible to change.

By the time this post is made, I am 85.4 kg.

Human heart…

Sometimes I think that humans do not have feeling. Our emotions are controlled by hormones and neurotransmitters.

Maybe some people can get angry easily since they have more adrenaline.

In that case…

Does it mean that we have no soul and spirit?

I guess I’m 84.5 kg now.

After those gloomy days and gloomy posts, I am now very happy.

Yesterday, I sent an e-mail to Dr. Blair, NAMRU viral disease programme director, and he said that he needed to consult with his department heads.

Today, Dr. Susan informed us that we have gained admission to do our internship there. That’s the reason why I am happy right now. Wish me luck everyone.

I am now 85.8 kg (This morning I was 83.7 kg, how can I gain mass so fast?)

Lately I’ve been thinking that most of my friends have been making distance from me. I wonder what have I done wrong. Is it because my activity in the laboratory which take most of my time? Is it something that I’ve done to them? I don’t know.

Let’s take one example, a certain friend of mine just won’t tell me what happen in his/her life anymore. As if I would tell his/her story to the whole wide world. He/she never asks for my advice or my opinion. I’m totally confused. This semester has severed most of my valuable things.

Please help me guys. If you know what’s wrong with me, just drop your comments or you can message me.

Thanks.

I’m 84.9 kg.

I’m on the verge of sanity.

This week is a busy week, Fermentation Technology has sucked up all my power and will to do anything else. How sad…

Not to mention Industrial Microbiology presentation on Friday. We’ve made the paper but found out two weeks ago that the lecturer requires us to emphasize on the production process. And so this thing has been bothering me ever since. A few alterations on the slides has been made, but I’m not satisfied yet. Tomorrow I’ll ask a hand from Apri I guess…

Today, I’ve finished my report about solid substrate fermentation and have done my kinetics homework. Because I don’t have the handout for tomorrow’s test, I guess I just have to wait.

I’m planning on doing my Industrial Management homework tomorrow evening. I hope I can fit that in my timetable for tomorrow. Maybe, if I have time, I’ll even do the journal for immobilized enzyme.

Hope me luck. Hehehe.

I am now 85.5 kg.